Hate the sin and love the sinner

Prophet Lot said to his sinful people

'Truly, I am a detester of what you do. '[1]

The word detester means to hate what they are doing, he could say I hate you or I hate you for doing this or that, but he choose to hate what they are doing not hating them. He distinguished between the act and the actor. Prophet Lot hated the behaviors of his people, but he did not hate them. And to be more accurate he loved them, that is why he wanted to advise them. And no person advice another one unless he love and care about him.

The explanations say that Lot was trying to persuade his people to stop these wrongdoings that they were practicing, but they refused to listen to his advice, so he abandoned them!! But I don't see that, the proof is the previous verse "I am a detester of what you do."  In other words he said "I hate your act, but Iam hating that doesn't mean I hate you."  How could he hate them if he trying to convince them to do the best for them? Yes, he gave up on their actions and said "My Lord, save me and my family from what they do" [2] and he didn't say "save me and my family from them" but protect me from their doings.

What we learn from this is that if we want to hate we have to have the behavior not the person, the action not the actor, while if we want to love we should love the person himself.

Hate the behavior and love the person. Hate the sin and love the sinner.

We all have loved once, relatives and friends, if one of them made a mistake is it right to turn the relationship with him/her to hostility?

Yes, that what we are doing, turn the relationship with beloved people into enemies, just because they made a bad behavior, why not hating what they done  but without hating themselves?.

For example, one day I was eating an ice cream in the mall while reading, I rarely go out, avoiding crowds, a woman saw me, and she was considering me as an ideal in health discipline because I'm calling for the organic diet which is free of white sugar and sweets filled with animal products. And now she saw me eating ice cream with happiness, alone in the mall without witnesses! The woman was shocked, and because what she saw, she stopped supporting my efforts in spreading the culture of healthy food. She hated the idea of eating sweets so much that she ready to hate anyone who eats them in any way!! Let's assume she classified me as a fraud who sells healthy products for personal benefits, then her hatred or rejection of me or my words and my actions; is just because she consider me one of the hypocrites!, here you can see that her simple ideas about be became a personal issue that affect her relationship with me, just because I act in a way she don't expected it.

Let's put eating sweets issue a side and enter the core issue here, let's remember Prophet Muhammad's Hadith when he talked with "Asma Bent Abby Baker" as she told the prophet about her non-believer mother (not Muslim) that just come to Al-Medina and wants to see her daughter, Asma asked the prophet if she can see her mother and the prophet agreed to that.

Here we can get the lesson again "Hate the sin and love the sinner", we learn from this Hadith that the man should visit his relatives, even if they are non-believers, and we see how the prophet allowed Asma to see her mother, even though she is not believer in his religion. So why we hate people for some of their behaviors that are less important than issue.

Human behavior is a thing, and himself is something else. And here we introduce another verse in this context. 

((But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindnesss))[3]

That's means if your parents insist that you leave your faith in Allah, you should not obey them, but treat them with love and kindness even if they were non-believers or sinners, that's because they are your close relatives and deserve kind treatment.

Here we discover the rule that states we have to distinguish between people and their actions; behavior is something and the human being itself is something else. We give too much attention to the behavior and the words from the person, either we like the behavior or not, but this has nothing to do with the person himself. We all know the famous saying "the person is beautiful by his morals, not by his appearance" But I can add that: the person is separated from his behavior and not unified with it.

When we applied this in our life many problems will be solved and we will make a progress towards what we call civilization, we will come closer to the art of criticism the other, the art of discussion, and the art of Human development.

The art of criticize the other

Criticism means analyze and explain and illustrate the good and bad aspects of things, which leads us to the understanding of the material we criticize whatever it is, Whether it is an article in the newspaper, a play, religious text, a character, or a political official.

According to the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him "No child is born except on the "Fitrah" (instinct) and then his parents make him Jewish, Christian or Magian." This means everyone is born good, but conditions make the person happy or unhappy, and the conditions are the result of the environment around us, the family, television programs, articles, attitudes and people in our lives and economic conditions.

All those things are considered food for the human being, all we see or hear is a food for us, and the stomach is our thought that receives and process those things.. if a person did not have a conscious thought, he will not be able to liquidate and filter those substances that enter his mind. Here, we can say that he has dead insight or a veil over his vision, or he is encrypted or programmed or his mind is WASHED.

Jesus said to his disciples when they asked him "how we know the good people who could help us spread your word. He said "from their fruits you shall know them" by fruits he meant their words and actions, and from these acts we know good people from the bad. But how could people become bad? They went astray the right way, went astray the safe house, the Quranic verse in the Al-Fatihah tells:

((The path of those upon whom You have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked [Your] anger or of those who are astray.))[4]

In other words the Verse trying to tell us, O God, help us learn the right path, the path you guided the enlightened and good people too, not the path of those who have evoked your anger and not those who are astray. That means people are good in nature but may loss the right path, like a person who enter a city for the first time and lost his way.

Here we can say that the Human behavior is subject to his perception and perception is subject to the understanding, and the understanding is subject to the environment around the person and what is gets from his different experiences. This behavior is separated from the person, but its roots are deep within him, and if we want to change a man's behavior, we have to change the man himself.

And here we see the behavior dimensions, so that we can provide an objective critique, taking account the human conditions and his experiences, so we cannot, for example, deny Christian from wine, because his culture is different from a Muslim culture. Also the other behaviors that relate to the environment, some will be properly in a place, and wrong in another.

Our criticism over the actions of people will not be fair if we exclude environment and the circumstances surrounding them, this means we cannot know the objective fair criticism, because we do not really know completely the circumstances behind actions! our criticism is still based on our own thought and the angle at which we look through to the circumstances. Justice and idealism are concepts we try to reach, but are not available to us, because God is the only one that have the right path, not other.

let's go back to the relationship of behavior of the human, and we say that we cannot judge a man according to his intentions, but according to his behavior with us. We cannot say a man is an Israeli agent because he is secular (as this is usually said about the Arab secularists, according to some urban conspiracy theory), or to say this Masonic wants to destroy Muslim's world with his teachings, we cannot judge according to intentions, even if we found the behavior support and confirms what we think about the intentions of a person. We have no right to judge the intentions of the people.. Whoever they are .. even Saddam or Hitler, we judge only on their behavior with us, Hitler  killed people so he is wrong, and we cannot make our judgment  before what he did .. A judge will not sue a man according to his intentions whether are evil or good, the judge man is not God! But the judge man is an ideal (as it should be) in honesty, Justice, equality and virtue, he  judge the people according to their behavior which they are responsible of, and he will ask the offender, "you have killed the victim deliberately or by mistake? If it was by mistake, he will ease the punishment, but the punishment will be, whether the killer intend for his crime or not, because the act had took place and the impact happened. The killer's intentions do not play a big role in getting rid of the punishment that will fall upon inevitably.

The judge man will continue to investigate and thinking, along with the physical evidence and others, so what we can do? we as ordinary humans who lack strength and insight? how can we judge the intentions of people that known only by God?

The Art of Conversation

We have a successful conversation when we separate between the person and his intentions, or his actions and behaviors. When we have the ability of objective criticism, we will win the art of successful conversation, we will not discuss person intentions but his thoughts and actions, when we separate the person from his actions and behaviors we can say to him your behavior is wrong, your idea is not complete, without insulting him as a person.

One of the most important things in science that caused large developments in various fields is separation between things.

For example, in In ancient times religion was in the same circle with magic and art, and then magic was separated from religion then from art, then philosophy emerged and gathered under its shade all spectrum of Science, but after the development of science a new specializations appeared, medical sciences, different from the mathematical sciences ..etc. so the ability to separate a part from another part helps us in the art of dialogue; separation between one and his actions and discuss these actions is better than stupid conversations among the people in online pages, when we misunderstand persons, and judge them based on their appearance.

Discussing religious matters different from discussing science, also discussing science is different from discussing philosophy or art, and there is ways to discuss all these things together, because every subject has its own logic and standards and rules that make it different from other subjects.

So the separating things from each other and not mixing them helps the person to get the arts of thinking and conversation. Also collecting things without scattering helps one to earn this art.

For example, if we take the story of Imam Hussein and his death and Day of Ashura, Imam Hussain was the son of the Prophet Muhammad. this was a problem in Muslim world, who should take the Caliphate (Muslims leadership), part of Muslims thought that the companions of the prophet deserve leadership, other part thought that prophet's relative (Imam Ali) deserve this position more than anybody else, And this disagreement still exists even today.

Imam Ali's son (Imam Hussein) was killed by a group of soldiers when his companions abandoned him in the battle that occurred in his journey from Medina to Kufa –in Iraq now. This has become anniversary celebrated annually to express remorse and grief. This religious rituals became that is called Shiite shrine (TATBEER).

I'm sure while I'm talking about this subject an ignorant reader will start to question my doctrine, I'm I a Sunni Muslim or Shiite?? and at the end he will concludes that the subject is just a Kafer (disbelief) and evil. Many will ask why I use Imam Hussein's case as an example, what do I want behind this?? and if I have any intentions to support the Shiites view.

This is exactly what happened to me, when I choose my graduation project's subject, first I choose "the subject of pain in Christian religious theater" describing the sufferings of Christ and redemption, because I was studding at The Higher Institute Drama And Theater Arts, I thought it was a good Idea to compare between the subject of pain in the Christian religious theater and in the Shiite Husseini rituals. Because my research title, my supervisors in the university thought that I want to convert to Christianity or I am sympathetic to the Shiite ideology (or one of the). It's not this or that; the real reason is just curiosity. Because it is a new topic, and I thought it would be a nice add to the Arabic Library.

But a wise man with a GOOD knowledge, whether Shiite or Sunni, will analyze the case as follows:

1.      Who is the Imam Hussein? Is the issue existed in history or is it a myth?

2.      If the issue existed in history what events happened in it and why?

3.      How did and when Husseini mourning ceremonies began?

4.      Do these ceremonies have religious roots? ,means those who practice it will earn a reward from sky? What are the religious evidences?

5.      Is the issue of Imam Hussein, religious? Or political?

6.      If it is a political issue, how it became a religious? And it is religious, how it turned into a political issue?

7.      Are Husseinia and Ashura a religious ritual? Or an annual festival?

8.      If it is a religious ritual, does that mean who don't practice is outside the circle of the Shiites?

...etc

We note that these random questions revolve around the issue of killing of Imam Hussein. And we will find these questions are trying to separate and disintegrate the elements of the case, and when we getting answers to these questions, we will be able to discuss the issue very well with any one. Some will  confuses things with each other without good approaching, that because of ignorance or lack of knowledge, you can find this kind of conversations that do more harm than good in the street and on the web pages, and even from many intellectuals and media people ,and that shocked me!.

You may find an actress playing the role of nun in a movie, so people start to say: a drunken adulteress played the role of a nun?!! They are all-in-hole of ignorance here..

They did not separate between the role of acting as a nun in the series, which that women may be perfect in the embodiment of decency and infallibility in front of the camera, and the woman who lives her personal life and practice good and bad, but she purely dedicated to her work.. and nobody have any right to Judge her ethics as an actress ,there is no relationship between her ethics and morals in front of the camera and behind it!

The separation of the person and his intentions and the separation of his intentions from his behavior earn us the art of conversation and thinking.

The architecture of self

As we talked about the separation between the sin and the sinner, we hate the sin and love the sinner.. And since we talked about man's behavior which is subject to his realization and that is subject to his understanding and that is subject to his environment and what he reads and gets from his experiences.. This behavior is separate from the man, but has deep roots in the human self, and if we want to change the behavior, we should change the human himself.

The West also has this dilemma, as we, the issue of Islam and Muslims and terrorism, the issue of Christ and Christianity and Christians. Here, we can see how many problems would be simply solved if we decided to separate between things.

How many times I chatted with a friend or colleague about things like- for example- Osho's  opinion on a political issue, which is far from the red lines that cause people to be nervous; like the topic of sex and religion, I found no positive reactions from friends I considered them an intelligent people, informed, educated good readers, they always say to me: do not talk with me about Osho, I don't like him!.

Who asks you to love Osho or hate him? I'm here to discuss opinion, about the idea of ​​democracy, I did not ask you to marry the owner of the idea if you love him or not!.

This situation repeated a lot in this time and in every time, even in pre-Islamic times and at the dawn of Islam, where people who were non-believers in the Prophet Muhammad did not want to hear the words of the Prophet, and they closed their ears with their fingers so they can't hear the words of that illiterate man who has no authority in Mecca.

Again, one is falling in the pit of ignorance and confuse between one's thoughts or behavior, and between his intentions.

St. Augustine says:

"We hate the sin not the sinner[5]"

We get people wrong (judging them to be wrong from our point of view, so we intentionally make them wrong) and we integrate them with their behavior, so we feel better than them! It is not hard to remember a person who thinks all the world is wrong and he is right, and thinks he has the absolute truth and alone .. The greater you exaggerate the sin of others, the more your ego feels better and you feel that you are the best. In this way one will not benefit anything, only make the illusion in him greater.

Even the sin committed by others, is only a mirror of what sins you have inside, the world is a reflection of what you see.

The story goes that one day, an old dog died of hunger in the middle of the market, group of people gathered around him, someone said: What a dirty dog. The second said: what a Smile, dirty dog. The third said: it looks terrible even before it died. The Fourth, said: it does not even have enough skin to make a shoe, his dirty body is only as works as firewood!!
But some on come and break the disgusting of the crowd and said (even pearls are not as white as his beautiful teeth!!)
Who can say pretty thing about nasty old dog died of starvation?

It was told that person was Jesus Christ!

He loved the world, so he does not see an error, he see nothing but God.
Real saint is not trying to search for sinners, if he tries that he will find light in every place... if you have viciousness in your heart, you will find monstrous everywhere, and if your heart is pure, you will see purity everywhere. Who tries to make other sinners is trying to make him above them, and the more you're trying to be above the other the more you feel inferior and guilty[6].

Once we stop integrating people with theirselfs and their intentions, we will liberate ourselves from the clutches of mental illness, which is feeding our ego with the mistakes of others to feel like saints.

When we discuss behavior and ideas we are discussing shadows.. shadows are not real, shadows do not destroy us, shadows remain far from us and cannot bother us or disturbing us.. And oneself is feels that, the essence of one is awareness, if we discussed the individual's behavior and ideas, we discuss his shadows. with this, we are more freedom of choice and more freedom to (neglect or holding on) of that shadow, and also be more freedom in changing the shape of the shadow. Be more freedom from superiority disease that enjoyed by ego, the ego who falsifies reality and disfigure it for us so it can live and remain the strongest.

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Conclusion

·         If we want to hate we should hate the behavior, and if we want to love, we must love the person.

·         We must distinguish between thought, behavior and the person himself, this saves us a lot of problems, and gives us an advantage.

·         No child is born except on the Fitrah (good well) and then his parents make him Jewish, Christian or Magian. This means everyone is born good, but conditions make the person happy or unhappy, and the conditions are the result of the environment around us, the family, television programs, article, attitudes and people in our lives and economic conditions.

·         Everything that we see and hear is a food for our thought, so if a human doesn't enjoy a High-consciousness, he will not be able to filter these materials.

·         Human behavior is subject to his realization and that is subject to his understanding and that is subject to his environment and what he reads and gets from his experiences.

·         We cannot evaluate a human based on his intentions but according to his behavior with us.

·         One of the most important things in science that caused large developments in various fields is separation between things.

·         Real saint is not trying to search for sinners, if he tries that he will find light in every place.

·         The behavior and thoughts of a person are a shadow of him, separated from him, they can be discussed, one can get rid of them, change them very easy.

Ahmad Alfarhan

20/05/2015 Kuwait

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References:

[1] [26.168]  Holy Quran
[2] Holy Quran [26:169]
[3] Holy Quran [31:15]
[4] Holy Quran [1:7]
[5] Augustine message # 211
[6] http://oshosearch.net/Convert/Articles_Osho/Philosophia_Perennis_Vol_1/Osho-Philosophia-Perennis-Vol-1-00000005.html
 

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Ahmad_Alfarhan__

Ahmed Alfarhan

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